So this post is a deviation from my normal ranting about the school bus, but this was too funny not to share.
I chose last night to venture into the little known territory that is "Cat Bathing". I currently am a servant to two spoiled felines. Jake, my boycat, looks like he's swallowed a basketball he's so chubby. He is currently on a weight loss diet per vet orders. He is declawed and extremely friendly. Heck, if you just set food in front of him, he'd love you for life. PJ, my girlcat, is my dainty female feline companion. She loathes water and has a general disdain for everything. She keeps herself quite clean. Jake, on the other hand, needs a little help in the cleaning department.
Occasionally I've needed to rinse him down to help his skin from being so itchy, but recently he's been getting bald spots from where fleas or other irritants are plaguing his skin. His skin is quite sensitive and he reacts to any feline immunizations he receives too. The immunizations also cause bald spots, especially frequent where he cannot groom himself effectively. Well, the spots had gotten so bad, that I made the folly of deciding to bathe him.
I prepared myself for the battle. I bought Johnson and Johnson's baby shampoo, grabbed a clean towel from the closet, removed the litterbox from the area so it wouldn't track if wet cat got in it, and settled on finding Jake for his torture... erm... bath.....
I wrangle the basketball into the bathtub and perch him on a seat in the tub. I turn on the water and douse the victim.... cat.... thoroughly. I grab the baby shampoo and open it and squeeze. Nothing comes out. I realize, halfway through struggling with a wet cat, running water, and the bottle... that the bottle is SEALED. Yep. Regular shampoo is unsealed, but Johnson's baby shampoo is sealed tight. I try everything I can to keep the cat in place on the seat while trying to twist open the bottle top. I knocked over my regular shampoo whilst trying to open the bottle over the squirming and yowling Jake. I finally manage to get the bottle top off the bottle, to find the seal impossible to break without fingernails or a good sharp object. I stick the bottle in my mouth intending to only just barely pop the seal to peel the top off, Jake squirms and attempts an escape, and while attempting to catch him, I squeeze the now popped sealed bottle in my mouth resulting in a wonderful mouthful of Johnson's baby shampoo.
Exasperated, I practically dumped the contents of the bottle on Jake and quickly lathered him up, much to his chagrin. At this point, he's yowling in protest while I rinse off the shampoo. In trying to get his belly, I get soaked in the process. He's still trying to make a break for it and he's still SLIPPERY. I finally rinse off all the shampoo and grab the towel to dry him off. He is giving me the death stare. I dried him as effectively as I could, stripped off my wet clothes and called it done.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of Jake's bath.
The Bus Driver